Cancer Sucks but God is Good

Whats Crackalakin Vessels,

These days most of my blog posts start with “its been a while but…” and then I make a false promise to post more regularly. Not today; yes it’s been a while but I’ll write when I feel inspired to write. I’m going into my senior year of college, work two jobs, and am planning a wedding. A lot is on my plate and I find that to be a blessing. Inspiration has struck me so here I am to share today.

On June 26th my Uncle Ron passed away after battling cancer with a 3-month sentence since 2018. Sometimes you forget someone is dying when they’ve been dying for so long. His last months reminded my whole family and he moved into our home for the last one. I watched my mom take on a new title of caregiver as my uncle went from slowly dying to all at once. I went from my usual once-a-semester home visits to being home as much as I could. This post isn’t supposed to be about all of that though, I want to tell you why I believe he was given 5 years instead of 3 months.

Growing up my Uncle Ron didn’t have faith in Jesus and it didn’t really occur to me or matter until his diagnosis. As time went on though I did nothing. I disobeyed my conviction to have a conversation with him about God because I felt too young and felt he was so much wiser. My uncle had a way of appearing mysterious and all-knowing to me from a young age. He never married, lived alone, and was retired from the FBI. He didnt share much about his years in the Beauro so my knowledge of my uncle was my memories growing up and some things he shared about his childhood. I filled in the gaps with conspiracies of government secrets and as a child imagined my uncle’s career to be that of James Bond. The older I got the less I envisioned him as a spy, but the mystery and prestige that comes with those perceptions stayed. So when convicted to tell him about a God I believed he needed to give his life to I hesitated.

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12

2020 came and my uncle had now been fighting for two years. My biggest fear at this time was him passing and my family not being able to see him. I don’t remember seeing him at all that year. He missed my high school graduation and I looked at my older sister’s pictures with him in her cap and gown with envy. When I moved into college I felt convicted to tell him about Jesus again. This time I listened. I remember sitting at my messy desk in my dorm room facetiming him. What he thought would be a regular call for me to update him on my life quickly turned to me having a real conversation of eternal importance with my uncle. Rather than the usual “How are you?” and “What’s been going on?”, I questioned his knowledge and faith about Jesus. He pushed me off and avoided most of my questions. I made an effort to find churches in his area offering online services and tried to find community groups meeting via zoom. I sent him all of this and reached out to a few pastors. He didn’t make an effort to look into any of it and beat around the bush on all my questions of faith, so I now knew for sure he didn’t have faith in the Lord. My mom and I felt an urgency after this and she began trying to talk to him about it and we both prayed a lot. In the midst of this my Grandmoppet passed away and I was pretty sure she was not a believer. Although I wasn’t incredibly close to my Grandmoppet this loss hit me very hard all because I was unsure of her salvation and that wrecked me. This just added to the urgency of discipling to my uncle.

In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: ²Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.
1 Timothy 4:1-2

May of this year my mom went to DC to see him and take him to a doctors appointment and it was decided hospice was now the best option. My uncle had fought for so long and hard. I know it destroyed him to know he was out of options and trials after doing so many. After much debate my uncle swallowed his pride and moved to North Carolina with my family. The last month went quick. My uncle agreed to meet with our pastor after talking with my mom (I partly think this was just cause he was tired of her asking). June 15th, 2023 my Uncle Ron accepted Jesus. My mom told me about this in a text and this text brought me to tears. Not only did he have eternal life with Christ, but I had peace knowing God used the persistence of my mother and I’s obedience. Cancer took my Uncle Ron’s life shortly after this. God slowed it for five years in order to call my Uncle Ron home. I miss my uncle and cancer sucks but my God is so good.

So to the man I always looked up to, saw countless movies with, introduced me to the Beatles and some of the best music in history, sent me my favorite birthday card every year, loved me well and fought so hard to be with us for so long. I’ll see you soon.

¹⁶“So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”
Matthew 20:16

The Truth About Love

Uncategorized

Hey guys, I know it’s been a while since you’ve all heard from me. I mean it’s been like over a year, so I hope y’all didn’t miss me too bad…just kidding. Anyway, I finally have an idea of what to write about, and I think it’s important that I say it, especially to people in my generation. RELATIONSHIPS ARE TOUGH! I’m telling you guys, don’t be fooled by those Hollywood movies like I’ve been. It’s not all just meeting someone, falling in love, having a slight falling out, and then the comedic relief character makes the guy realize that he really wants the girl, so the guy does some big gesture to get her back and then, just like that, happy ending! I am sorry to break it to y’all, but it’s not like that at all. I’m a hopeless romantic myself, so you can imagine how upset I was when I figured this out. I’m not saying relationships are bad, because they’re certainly not, but I’m learning that a long-term relationship is way more hard work than I ever thought it would be.

The reason I bring this up is because, in this society, we’re taught that we should leave when it’s hard, because all of those movies make it look so easy. But, when you look at the way relationships are in the bible, it’s not like that at all. The relationship Jesus had with us, and the relationship we’re supposed to have with the Father is not easy at all. That’s why I think marriage is so sacred in the Bible. The love you promise to give your partner for the rest of your life is supposed to be a reflection of the love that God has for us. Not necessarily romantic love, but something deeper. When you look at the way Jesus loves us, and how he was treated here on Earth for us, love begins to have another meaning. Jesus has taught me recently that love is sacrifice, commitment, consistency, patience, it doesn’t always feel good, and it isn’t always gonna be easy. I was watching a sermon from Pastor Mike Todd, and I think he said it best. “If you study the scripture, love comes after the sacrifice. It comes after the commitment.” He even asks, “How much did you love God before you committed to him?” (I’m gonna be really honest with y’all, before I committed to getting to know God, I didn’t care for him nearly as much as I do now.) Jesus gave us his life because he loves us so much, knowing that we may never want to love him. What’s also incredible to me is that he knew what suffering awaited him. He told the disciples what was going to happen to him too, and he continued to get up every day and choose us and them – I mean can you imagine the sorrow he must have felt inside knowing that was going to happen to him, and he still did that for us? The disciples endured pain and suffering because of their love for God. Christians today are still oppressed all over the world (oops…sorry but it’s true). Didn’t mean for this to seem like all doom and gloom, but the story isn’t over! It actually has a really happy ending. Jesus comes to save us, we get to spend eternity with our Father in Heaven, and there will be no more pain and suffering ever again. That’s worth it to me, and it was worth it to Jesus too.

Now, I’m not condoning people to stay in an abusive relationship. I’m talking to those that are coming from a healthy relationship that may be in a little bit of a rut right now. To those that may be in the stage where it just doesn’t feel like either of you can agree on anything right now. To those where life just kinda got in the way, and you both are trying to relearn the new person that they’ve become. Mike Todd also said in his sermon, “If you’re frustrated and you don’t see how it’s gonna work, invite God into it.” If you both love each other, why should you give up because it’s hard? If you can’t fix it, God definitely can. I believe there is another side to whatever this rut is that you may be going through, and when you get there, I believe that you both will have a deeper understanding and appreciation for one another. I kinda envy old married couples because of that. They’ve gotten through life together, maybe had a few kids, a bunch of jobs, and a whole lot of disagreements, but because they woke up every day and decided to choose each other, they’ve become best friends and know each other better than anyone else. I said earlier that I’m a hopeless romantic, but I like to think God is too. I like to think he watches our love lives like how we watch those romantic movies. In the end, you’re rooting for the people that genuinely love each other, and you want so badly for them to make it in the end. God put you and that person together for a reason. Choose them, never go a day without praying for them, and God will take care of the rest.

Some scriptures about love:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
John 3:16
Colossians 3:14
John 15:13
1 John 4:19
Ephesians 5:25
Ephesians 4:2
Ephesians 5:33
Proverbs 18:22

Some Christian songs about love:

Broken Together by Casting Crowns
God Gave Me You by Dave Barnes
Jesus and You by Matthew West
You’ve Got Me by Steven Curtis Chapman

God’s Body isn’t a Bikini Body

Uncategorized

June 23, 2021

The years 2020 and 2021 were full of events, and a pretty big one for me was starting college. In about a month and a half I’ll be a sophomore, and while reflecting back on my freshman year I remember the bad relationship with food that I developed. I’ve always been a “bigger” girl. I’m 5’8 and have been that way since I was in high school. I was never described as “petite”, “small”, or “little”. I was always “strong”, “broad”, or “tall”; and while those are not negative descriptions in any way, they were not the ones I wanted to be attached to my body.

In my junior year of high school I got on birth control and as a result of that (and later quarantine snacking) I gained around twenty pounds over three years, and I could not shake the weight. The feeling got worse when I went to the doctor for a check-up right before I left for college, and the big, scary letters of “overweight” stood next to my BMI. Then, I gained 5 more pounds while at school during my first semester, which is better than the “Freshman 15” everyone talks about, but I still didn’t like that I had gained weight.

Fast forward to the second semester and I start losing weight (which was mostly the result of the exercise I was getting walking around campus, and also due to my birth control not functioning correctly – which I’m off of now). I had dropped seven pounds and I was THRILLED. Those seven pounds turned into eleven pounds gone in just a couple weeks and I notice that I’m not as hungry as I used to be. I’m eating one, maybe two meals a day and maybe some snacks if I’m really “feeling it”. I started shedding more pounds and suddenly, the feeling of losing weight is starting to outshine the gnawing feeling in my stomach. Then I’m going to only eating an apple a day, and then going to work. I almost pass out one day walking to my car to go to work, and I realize that I need to stop treating myself like this.

At this time I’m in a small discipleship group with four other Christ following ladies and we were going through “Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life”, by Donald S. Whitney. A book that covers and elaborates on 10 disciplines that we as Christians should adopt to live for God fully (bible intake, prayer, worship, evangelism, serving, stewardship, fasting, silence and solitude, journaling, and learning). That week we were reading about fasting and one line in the book hit me like a truck.

“Those who eat too much and intentionally eat too little are looking for satisfaction in something other than God.”

I went back in my prayer journal and found this written from the day I read that line,

“I just read in my spiritual disciplines book about how intentionally eating less is destroying the body you worked so hard on creating. The body you made that needs food to survive. The body you made – that in your eyes – is perfect. I’m realizing how I’m going against everything that you laid out for me to do when taking care of my body. I pray Lord that you will give me strength to combat my self destructing thoughts. Amen.”

I mean holy cow. It all clicked.

I’m looking for satisfaction in a smaller pant size, not in God. I’m looking for happiness in a flatter stomach, not in God. I’m looking for content in a bathing suit that will always look better on the model – no matter how skinny I get, not in God.

I was looking for satisfaction in MY reflection, not in God’s.

I started realizing all the things God has given me to further His kingdom that I never paid attention to; my two feet for walking and reaching others to tell them about Christ, my eyes and ears to read and hear more about Him, my fingers that are typing this at the moment, and so many other attributes I have that aren’t comparable on social media.

I started challenging myself to look at my body as God would, and I pray you will do the same. We are incomparable in His eyes and that’s because He made us exactly how He needed and wanted to.

One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 1:5, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations”. Before we were even conceived God knew his plan for us. He knew precisely know we should look, act, talk, and feel in order for us to fulfill His plan. He is bigger than our insecurities, our anxieties, our stressors; and He always will be.

Distracted by Busyness

Uncategorized

Whats Crackalakin Vessels,

I’m sitting in a hammock on a Monday with a break. This is uncommon because this semester has me the busiest I’ve ever been. I can count the times I’ve posted to the blog since the start of this semester on one hand. I’ve been consistent in devotion (most days), and have maintained my involvement in church but this only makes up about 12% of the 112 hours I have awake in a week. God desires 100% from his children. This doesn’t mean only reading your bible all hours of the day. This means meditating on God’s goodness throughout the day and doing all your work as you would for the Lord.

I am sharing all of this because personally, I have been doing a bad job at this. I wake up, go to class, do online assignments, invest in the extracurriculars I’m committed to, and take the occasional nap. With the little downtime I have, I spend it with my boyfriend and friends. I realize all of these things are good and necessary at this point in my life but they are meaningless if I don’t partake in them for God’s glory.

This is something I’ve been reflecting on a lot lately; if taking care of my responsibilities in day-to-day life isn’t inherently bad then why do I feel far from Christ? When you ask God questions like this that expose sin in your life, I’ve found he does not delay in answering. God made it clear that he is worth a heck of a lot more than my current 12%. And this didn’t demand me joining yet another ministry or serving team, it demands me to find God in the mundane.

These tasks and responsibilities that consume our time are just another tool Satan uses to draw us away from Christ. Think about it; hasn’t there been a time you missed church or devotion because you didn’t feel like it or had something pressing to take care of? I’ve definitely done that more times than I can count. Don’t let the world distract you without you realizing it. If God only has <12% of your week now that is intentionally for him, don’t let the other 88% of life take away from that. Once you have this down, truly search for God in every second of that 88%. This world and everything in it is only in existence because God allows it to be, that includes your job, classes, chores, and social time. If you look and ask God to reveal himself to you I know you’ll see him in everything.

I see God at this moment. Yes, I’m writing about him but I’m referring to the world around me as I type. I’m in a hammock in Boone in march and it’s a beautiful spring day. I am surrounded by three friends that keep me motivated in school just by watching them work diligently alongside me. God has given me this beautiful day and blessed me with these friends. No, we aren’t talking about Christ but Christ is still here. I hope to soon be aware of Christ in 100% of my life; good and bad. Don’t get distracted by busyness, rather use your long to-do list as an opportunity to see Christ in even more ways.

May the Spirit show himself to you,

A Vessel

Happy 2021!

Uncategorized

Whats crackalakin vessels,

It’s been a while since Sydney and I have written; we both took time to enjoy winter break with our families. Since I’ve written last the world celebrated the New Year after a long year. Personally, I am an optimist and always have been so my reflections on 2020 include; graduating high school, completing my first semester of college, meeting some health goals I had, making new friends, and meeting my now boyfriend. Overall I would say the challenges of 2020 also brought many blessings.

Going into 2021 I don’t have any specific resolutions but I have excitement. I’m ready to continue my studies in college and gain further discernment in what I want to do upon graduating. I’m ready to deepen my faith in devotion and read lots of books.

This post is different than most; it is going to be focused on what my devotion time looks like. I know many people with a resolution to get deeper in devotion time so here is a resource.

Prayer is the center of my devotion. I open and end my time with God in prayer. This includes people in my life that need prayer and my own requests but I always try to have more praise and thankfulness than I do requests in my prayers. This always serves as a reminder of how great God is even if my prayer list is long my praise list is longer.

After prayer, my time varies between a spiritual book or just scripture. Currently, Sydney and I are going through Psalms and wisdom literature. When Sydney and I began bible study we both had a desire to get deeper into scripture beyond what we had been told by others. The first thing I would recommend to anyone trying to deepen devotion is to start in the word. Read scripture for yourself. Sydney and I go through the same words in the same bible and we discuss completely different things. The divine nature of scripture gives it the power to have infinite meanings.

If I am going through a book I will also take time to read a chapter or two. I plan to read “You are not enough (and that’s okay)” by Allie Beth Stuckey next. Vince Butler once told me “Leaders are readers.” and since then I have tried to incorporate various books in my devotion. I have read books on theology, church leadership, commentaries, and much more. For those of you starting don’t add a book just yet, get down the consistency of scripture first.

Consistency is key! I’m sure you have heard this before but it is so true. Devotion needs to become a habit. Some days you won’t have a profound life-changing discovery but centering your days on christ will strengthen your faith over time. Trust in God for the long term plans he has for you by listening to his guidance daily.

I know this post is short and not typical of our content but I hope it provides a guideline to help some get started. If you are starting to read scripture I recommend you start in the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. This will help you study the life and character of Jesus. If you want to add in a book I have many many recommendations so please check out our new resources page! If devotion is not a habit you have already then 2021 is the time for you! I pray you get into the word.

May the spirit educate you,

A Vessel

Stop Feeling Guilty

Uncategorized

Whats Crackalakin Vessels,

It’s been a while since I’ve written. Part of that is due to the stress of my first college final exams. To begin, congratulations to all my fellow college freshmen on completing your first final exams after a long online semester. We did it! While I forced myself not to write, inspiration still struck, and I have many many ideas. I am so excited to share them with all of you! Sydney and I also dropped blog T-shirts!! If you haven’t already checked out our shop, please do so! All the profit goes back into the website expenses, averaging $1-$2 made per shirt that y’all buy!

Now on to the good stuff, enjoy the rest of this post:

In my immediate family, I am notorious for being a chronic liar. I wish I could say I grew out of this trait after the age of 12, but my family would be quick to correct me. In the comments section, they would argue that I always have been and still am a chronic liar. Outside of some more serious isolated cases, most of my lies were due to insignificant things. A noteworthy one being the countless times I lied about eating someone else’s food. (Sydney if you are reading this, I promise to ask to eat your food when we live together next year.) Every time I was caught in a lie, I felt guilty. This guilt was not from some profound self-reflection; it was a feeling of regret now that I was facing a consequence. This guilt soon faded once I served my punishment. With the guilt gone, I slipped into lie after lie. This shows the nature of our worldly perception of guilt. Whether someone committed an act worthy of guilt comes down to juries and comments on social media. This modern guilt is put on us by others’ view of our now tarnished character.

When we look at sin, we often confuse guilt and repentance. Christians are commanded by God to repent of their sinful nature. This does not mean feeling guilty for actions that may change the world’s opinion of your character. Repentance is a deep conviction of the need to turn away from sin in order to be close to God. The word guilt has a connotation of fear stemming from possible punishment. Just as in my lying example, I only felt guilty when I was caught because I knew punishment followed. As Christ-followers, it is important to remember, when feeling this fear parallel to guilt, that our God is not one of fear.

2 Timothy 1:7 states: “ For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

The spirit we have in us from God gives us the power to have self-discipline and turn away from sin. Repent and turn away; don’t feel guilty and go back to the same sinful habit. Repentance does not imply punishment. Repentance is the beginning of forgiveness, salvation, and new God-honoring habits.

No wonder we feel guilty when we sin. The concept of undeserved forgiveness is impossible to comprehend. Back to my lie illustration: I felt guilt from my parents, but I was punished and I moved forward having “served my time.” This mentality is the same one responsible for the statistic that 83% of released US prisoners are arrested for the same or a similar crime within 9 years of their freedom. Because of the Holy Spirit, Christians have the ability to gain a new mentality, one of repentance. Repentance is the true recognition of one innate tendency to seek sinful things, and then, turning to God for help to stay away from them. We do this to be as righteous as possible while on this earth in the eyes of God.

Ultimately, our righteousness only comes from believing in the salvation coming from the resurrection of Christ, but once you believe this, you have the Holy Spirit. This Holy Spirit in you demands repentance. This Holy Spirit wants to bring you closer and closer to Christ to strengthen your faith. This Holy Spirit wants to gift you with ways to share the gospel.

But

First comes repentance.

Repentance then will demand acceptance.

It’s one thing to believe in the narrative of Jesus dying on the cross and coming back to life. It is another thing to believe that this miracle is capable of saving you from your sins. This is something deeper than belief; this is something you need to accept. This is a gift that you did nothing for and can’t give anything in return for. All you can do is try to share it. That’s what the Holy Spirit is for. God will equip you, but you have to get past the guilt. Accept your salvation because God frees his children from all chains of sin and restaurants of fear. Guilt has no place in the temple God has given you. Don’t dwell on your mistakes, or do earthly things in an attempt to remedy your conscience. Christ died, so you don’t have to do that.

You are free from it all.

I am free from it all

May the spirit celebrate with you,

A Vessel

A “Wake Up” Call

Uncategorized

Hey there guys! I was in a car wreck today, and I wanna share with y’all the lesson that God gave me tonight as I was sitting and reflecting on it. Since I’ve moved home, I’ve gotten away from reading my bible and devoting some time to God. I’ve slowly been starting to feel that peace that God has given me slip away. In the last couple weeks I’ve spent some time praying and asking God to help me, and I’ve been kinda “beating around the bush” I guess you could say with the message that God wanted to give me. As I was finally starting to feel overwhelmed, I opened my bible and God revealed to me a convicting but a much needed and well deserved message.

We cannot get comfortable!!!! It’s so easy to get caught up in what’s going on around us that we forget that our life could end in an instant. The number one thing that the devil is gonna do to keep you away from God is distract you, and there are so many distractions. I’ve been doing things that I would never do in an effort to avoid spending time with God. I did laundry and, if you know me, you know that’s a rare occurrence. I’ll get in bed and watch TikToks for hours before I decide to go to sleep. I recently watched one, and God gave him this word that has really stuck with me. He said, “We have to remember God in the BEFORE.” Before we distract ourselves, before that sin is committed, and before we get too comfortable. I’ve made a goal for myself now. Before I get distracted and before I give into temptation, to turn it into a prayer and give it to God before it happens.

I was watching Incredibles 2 the other day and that guy Rick, that always helps the family when Bob loses his job or whenever they get in trouble, had said, “Wanna get out of the hole? Put down the shovel.” I had been praying to God asking Him to pull me out of the hole I had put myself in, and I had ignored every answer He had given me until today. Of course, even though this isn’t what I had in mind, it’s what I needed.

God is so good guys, and He loves us so much. I just pray that y’all would be encouraged by this and know that God is working. He might do some things that we don’t like or don’t understand, but He is just and He is working not only for your good but to also bring glory to his kingdom.

Go in peace, serve the Lord and Merry Christmas!

Why Wait?

Uncategorized

Whats crackalakin vessels,

Today marks one year since my grandmoppet passed. My grandmother on my mothers side of the family. I had no idea it was today until my Snapchat shared some photos I took and saved one year ago today. 365 days ago I took a selfie with my little cousin Ava. In this selfie, we are smiling at the filters, but we are dressed in our nicest black dresses. I thank God for Ava today as I am reminded of how she helped me to smile.

I have experienced a few losses in my 17 years of life but I have never wrestled with one as much as my grandmoppet. In fact, as I write this and pray I still can’t seem to find peace with this. I have only a few memorable moments with my grandmoppet. She didn’t live close, so visits were few and far between. I’m not going to reminisce on the few memories I hold dear, I am writing this as a warning.

My heart aches and this death haunts me because I don’t know if she ever, even in her last moments, accepted Jesus as the Lord of her life and savior. This side of my family has a mix of those who don’t follow Christ and those who claim to be Christians but don’t live it out. Prior to my grandmoppets passing I spoke about my faith to my family but, I didn’t share the gospel. I shared how I love God and want to go into ministry, but I never really told them why. I never shared how as a sinner Jesus rescued me and continues to daily. I never read aloud the scriptures or invited them to church. I didn’t call to encourage their faith and I didn’t ask them why they didn’t follow Christ. I did not even text a simple verse.

There are two things about family that I have learned from my mom’s side. One is that no one chooses their family. The second being; no matter how much someone dislikes a family member it is human nature to love them. I love every single person I have the privilege to call family. This love stands despite differing religious views and few visits. I believe I am in this family to bring them home to heaven.

I didn’t do anything about this. God placed me in this family and gave a faith on fire and I didn’t offer to help light the lamps of my own blood.

Then my grandmoppet died.

I get excited to see my grandma Smith, neighbor Mr. Ken, classmate Hannah, Mamaw, grandma and grandpa Barth, aunt Cathy, dog jasmine, and my Lord; Jesus, in heaven. When God decides it is my time I will get to live in eternity surrounded by love in heaven.

My concept of love is only shaped by the love I see in my earthly relationships. I truly loved my grandmoppet. I weep because I was selfish. I weep because I don’t know if I will ever see the amazing woman I get to call my grandmoppet in heaven.

Being on this earth corrupt by sin guarantees humanity will weep and hurt, but I want to try to save you from some if I can. Please learn from me. I know you have people in your life who don’t know Christ. I know you have people in your life who haven’t surrendered their life to God’s will. I know that these people that need to make Christ the center of their life, could even be you reading this.

What are you waiting for? Why are you biting your tongue? Don’t be selfish like I am. Jesus is for everyone and the great commission commands us to make it our mission to bring people with us to heaven before Christ. Let the Holy Spirit spill out of you to share the word of God. Don’t leave those you love to suffer. Don’t let them be comfortable in taking the gospel lightly. Be an example by valuing the urgency and unfathomable power of the gospel.

Don’t wait to share Christ. You have no reason. Sit there and start coming up with stuff, but none of it is valid. No one is guaranteed another breath. If this was your last could you say you followed Christ in all your being.

College students if you are living in sin, don’t wait to seek Jesus until after graduation. You aren’t guaranteed that long. The “college experience” is not worth the hype no matter how much society has told you. Living for Christ means joy, purpose, love, and eternity. Why wait for that? Why risk missing that for four years of living for an unfulfilling societal standard. Repent and seek strength in Jesus to sustain your life on earth until heaven.

Don’t wait. Don’t let sinful thoughts win when you feel the urge to speak of Jesus. Just as Christians ultimately have free will to share the gospel or bite our tongue; those you are speaking it to have the free will to accept or deny it. Don’t let this stop you either. Share the message of salvation with everyone and pray. Pray for God to soften their hearts so they listen to your message. Pray for God to speak through you so they hear what will awake their soul.

Don’t wait.

Please I’m begging you

I wish so badly I looked my grandmoppet in the eyes and shared the message of Jesus. My heart breaks from the uncertainty of her salvation and what that means for her eternity. It means I miss you grandmoppet. I miss your card skills. I miss your laughter. I miss your love for wine. I miss you fostering the love in this family. You brought together all types of people and we unite as a family around you. I am one member and I’m not waiting. This time I’m ready to experience an eternity of love in heaven filled with poker games, good food, lake trips, and genuine acceptance.

I’m sorry I waited. I’m so so sorry.

May God use you and may you let him,

A Vessel

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd;

I have all that I need.

He lets me rest in green meadows;

he leads me beside peaceful streams.

He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

bringing honor to his name.

Even when I walk

through the darkest valley,[a]

I will not be afraid,

for you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff

protect and comfort me.

You prepare a feast for me

in the presence of my enemies.

You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

My cup overflows with blessings.

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me

all the days of my life,

and I will live in the house of the Lord

forever.

A Lament

Uncategorized

I’ve known God my whole life. I try to act like I’m on the right path and I’m doing what is right, but when I lay my head down at night, I know that I am fooling myself and everyone else. I only follow God and do what He asks of me when it’s convenient for me. I can’t bring myself to hate my sin and give it up. I see so many signs, and I know what God is telling me. I know what God wants me to do, but I make excuses. I’m lazy. I can see myself walking with God, but I’m not willing to do what He asks me to do and take that next step to be closer to Him. I find myself constantly asking for forgiveness but not turning away from my sin. I know I am forgiven, but I’m still ashamed. I want God to be proud of me, but I disrespect and disobey Him everyday. I know He loves me, but there’s so many reasons why He shouldn’t. I know what God has said about His unfailing love, but there’s always a voice that tells me that I’m not good enough. I never will be. Why does He love me? Why does God continue to reach out to me when He knows that I am only going to disappoint Him? I love God, but it seems that I still love myself more. Don’t get me wrong, God has given me so much joy and peace, but it’s hard knowing that I’ll never be good enough. It’s hard to keep trying when I know I’ll never succeed.

I’ll never be able to let go of the God I have because I know the love he has for me. I could never let go of that perfect love, even though my love for Him is so imperfect. My father in heaven will never let go of me. He’s with me in everything I go through. I am redeemed and forgiven no matter how hard it is for me to accept.

Love,

A struggling vessel

Jesus Didn’t Party.

Uncategorized

What’s Crackalakin Vessels,

I think today is a perfect day to post about something in Jesus’ character I am especially passionate about; his restraint in addressing the political climate of an oppressive Roman government. Today the US is not oppressed by a monarchy and has an entirely different social structure/culture. I feel truly blessed when I reflect on historical governments and the current democracy I participate in. To compare Jesus directly to US politics is ignorant. I say this with the acknowledgment that I also try to form Jesus around my vote. I will be the first to admit my ignorance on political topics.

I am truly hard-headed on most things…except politics. I wasn’t always this way and in order to fully express my belief on Jesus’ political standings, I owe yall some background. My moderate nature and ever-changing views can be attributed to Peabody family dinners and talking with my two best friends.

Peabody dinners began expanding my views when my older sister started pursuing political science at UNC Chapel Hill in 2018. Every weekend or holiday she visited would feature many family meals that were more of a show. My mom, younger sister, and I would just sit back and enjoy as we watched my very conservative middle-aged father argue politics with his very liberal teen-adult daughter. My mom would try to get them to calm down and be nice, my younger sister would complain while asking to talk about something else, and I jumped in occasionally to poke at their debates even more. Aside from the humor of my family dynamic, it has helped me consider many angles on various topics.

My family has influenced my political views greatly; I would argue my friends have shaped them more. Carolyn Gura would have no shame verbalizing her support for Trump. Clayton Dowdle wears a t-shirt with Hillary Clinton riding a unicorn. If you thought my family dynamic was strange, my best friends and I are even stranger. The three of us were inseparable in our free time until we moved to study in different places (we are still best friends: thank you technology). We did not make politics the topic of discussion as frequent as my family did but it would come up. When it did it was always a polite debate with minor joking and never a hateful argument. Seeing politics discussed in a “civil” manner opened my mind to the acceptance of not placing myself in an extreme political box. I found myself having my mind changed a lot. Carolyn and Clayton are firm and passionate in their beliefs which I admire because they have helped me see both sides as well as learn what it looks like to put relationships above politics.

Now that I have given you a background of my political influence, I want to talk about now. When I think of current politics I think of social media. Our president has various social media accounts and has communicated directly with Americans more than ever in our history. A president on social media, as we have learned, is not the best idea. Politicians have speech writers and campaign workers for a reason. Aside from direct posting from the president, news now travels through social media the fastest, regardless of the source. A big issue with this is the reliability of the “facts” and the exaggeration of most major events in attempts to gain more clicks and shares. 2020 has many events available for the click hungry news sources to exaggerate or present in a viral-worthy post that provokes 16-25 year-olds to share. This year’s first-time voters are the most politically active in comparison to past election’s first-time voters. Why?

2020 has been a very politically draining year. The debate over science and safety protocol in the midst of a pandemic, long look at still present racism in society, increase in unemployment with a sudden drop in Americas once flourishing economy, a spike in poor mental health, lowered academic success due to online learning at all ages, and a supreme court appointment were all demanding political issues pilled on top of an election year. No wonder there was a record turn out at the polls this year. Young millennials and older gen z voters motivated each other through repost after repost. I posted one political opinion on social media two years ago. I have not posted my political views since because it changed my reputation from, Jesus freak to a _________ party member who is a Christian.

In 2017 it was reported that about two-thirds of America’s population identify themselves as Christian regardless of denomination. One of the US’s founding pillars was religious freedom for the protestant Christians. Because of this many American traditions and historical writings have allusions and direct references to the Christian God. In the past few elections, the vote was not overwhelmingly won by one political party that had a consistent two-thirds of the voters. This means that not all Christians share political party preferences. Democratic government has led to an all-time high of the misuse of scripture and Christian faith in regards to political issues. Trump and Biden both claim to be Christians and they hate each other! My stomach turns every time I open social media and see a post bashing a political view all “in the name of Jesus”.

Attention democrats, republicans, unaffiliates, and third party members: Jesus would not have been a member and candidate of your political party.

Don’t argue with me on that. You can pick random scripture after random scripture to justify your party’s platforms but the character of Jesus Christ throughout the entire bible will not put him in a red or blue tie. Jesus separates himself from politics: Isaiah 42:1-4, Matthew 22:15-22, Mark 7:1-23; 12:13-17. I don’t want to seem hypocritical in my quoting of scripture so allow me to clarify. Those are 4 starting places to see (a) the character of Jesus as prophesied in the old testament and (b) it witnessed in the new testament. I am not using them to argue a “side” to anything governmental, as I said above I don’t agree with that approach. I have found these scriptures to help contextualize the absence of Jesus’ opinion on earthly governing authorities as part of the character of God. Jesus is the; “king of kings”, “messiah”, “son of God” and much more as portrayed through titles used in the bible. He was all of these things and yet was born into poor living conditions and did not care about the time period’s view on social class, wealth, government, and crime. He went against all things that were earthly governing and socially acceptable. This is the character of Jesus. Jesus is God. We are human. If Jesus came for a visit (I’m not talking about Revelation’s depiction of Jesus’ return; let me stay hypothetical because I have no clue as to what the heck is going on in the book of Revelation) and was walking down the streets of Washington D.C. and you asked him who you should vote for I don’t know what he would say. I don’t know what his answer would be because he has the wisdom and divine power of God but, I do know he would not give you an American political party candidate. I imagine he will come at you with a witty parable saying “hey silly that doesn’t even matter! You get to be a citizen in the kingdom of God with me!” and then we would all feel pretty stupid for asking Jesus what to bubble.

The jesus of 2020 is not Jesus Christ. Jesus confronts all worldly views, governing laws, morals, and social conduct. Jesus desires unity in the kingdom of God and a democratic party system does not embody that. Jesus tells his disciples to continue paying taxes and to obey the roman law because although it wasn’t illuminating Jesus, It couldn’t come near to affecting the will and power of God. So why bother getting mad? Go cast a vote, study policy, follow presidents on social media, have a political opinion, but don’t put your vote on Jesus’ name. If we put a lawn sign on Jesus’ life then we’ve blocked out some of Jesus and put the power of our pen above the power of his salvation. News flash there are democrats and republicans in heaven.

May the Spirit prioritize itself in you,

A Vessel