Whats crackalakin vessels,

Today marks one year since my grandmoppet passed. My grandmother on my mothers side of the family. I had no idea it was today until my Snapchat shared some photos I took and saved one year ago today.  365 days ago I took a selfie with my little cousin Ava. In this selfie, we are smiling at the filters, but we are dressed in our nicest black dresses.  I thank God for Ava today as I am reminded of how she helped me to smile.  

I have experienced a few losses in my 17 years of life but I have never wrestled with one as much as my grandmoppet.  In fact, as I write this and pray I still can’t seem to find peace with this. I have only a few memorable moments with my grandmoppet.  She didn’t live close, so visits were few and far between.  I’m not going to reminisce on the few memories I hold dear, I am writing this as a warning.  

My heart aches and this death haunts me because I don’t know if she ever, even in her last moments, accepted Jesus as the Lord of her life and savior.  This side of my family has a mix of those who don’t follow Christ and those who claim to be Christians but don’t live it out.  Prior to my grandmoppets passing I spoke about my faith to my family but, I didn’t share the gospel.  I shared how I love God and want to go into ministry, but I never really told them why.  I never shared how as a sinner Jesus rescued me and continues to daily.  I never read aloud the scriptures or invited them to church.  I didn’t call to encourage their faith and I didn’t ask them why they didn’t follow Christ.  I did not even text a simple verse.  

There are two things about family that I have learned from my mom’s side. One is that no one chooses their family.  The second being; no matter how much someone dislikes a family member it is human nature to love them.  I love every single person I have the privilege to call family. This love stands despite differing religious views and few visits.  I believe I am in this family to bring them home to heaven.  

I didn’t do anything about this.  God placed me in this family and gave a faith on fire and I didn’t offer to help light the lamps of my own blood. 

Then my grandmoppet died.

I get excited to see my grandma Smith, neighbor Mr. Ken, classmate Hannah, Mamaw, grandma and grandpa Barth, aunt Cathy, dog jasmine, and my Lord; Jesus, in heaven.  When God decides it is my time I will get to live in eternity surrounded by love in heaven.  

My concept of love is only shaped by the love I see in my earthly relationships.  I truly loved my grandmoppet.  I weep because I was selfish.  I weep because I don’t know if I will ever see the amazing woman I get to call my grandmoppet in heaven.  

Being on this earth corrupt by sin guarantees humanity will weep and hurt, but I want to try to save you from some if I can.  Please learn from me.  I know you have people in your life who don’t know Christ. I know you have people in your life who haven’t surrendered their life to God’s will.  I know that these people that need to make Christ the center of their life, could even be you reading this.

What are you waiting for? Why are you biting your tongue? Don’t be selfish like I am. Jesus is for everyone and the great commission commands us to make it our mission to bring people with us to heaven before Christ. Let the Holy Spirit spill out of you to share the word of God. Don’t leave those you love to suffer.  Don’t let them be comfortable in taking the gospel lightly.  Be an example by valuing the urgency and unfathomable power of the gospel.  

Don’t wait to share Christ.  You have no reason. Sit there and start coming up with stuff, but none of it is valid.  No one is guaranteed another breath.  If this was your last could you say you followed Christ in all your being.  

College students if you are living in sin, don’t wait to seek Jesus until after graduation.  You aren’t guaranteed that long.  The “college experience” is not worth the hype no matter how much society has told you.  Living for Christ means joy, purpose, love, and eternity. Why wait for that? Why risk missing that for four years of living for an unfulfilling societal standard.  Repent and seek strength in Jesus to sustain your life on earth until heaven.  

Don’t wait. Don’t let sinful thoughts win when you feel the urge to speak of Jesus.  Just as Christians ultimately have free will to share the gospel or bite our tongue; those you are speaking it to have the free will to accept or deny it. Don’t let this stop you either.  Share the message of salvation with everyone and pray.  Pray for God to soften their hearts so they listen to your message. Pray for God to speak through you so they hear what will awake their soul.

Don’t wait.

Please I’m begging you 

I wish so badly I looked my grandmoppet in the eyes and shared the message of Jesus.  My heart breaks from the uncertainty of her salvation and what that means for her eternity.  It means I miss you grandmoppet.  I miss your card skills. I miss your laughter.  I miss your love for wine. I miss you fostering the love in this family.  You brought together all types of people and we unite as a family around you. I am one member and I’m not waiting. This time I’m ready to experience an eternity of love in heaven filled with poker games, good food, lake trips, and genuine acceptance.  

I’m sorry I waited. I’m so so sorry. 

May God use you and may you let him,

A Vessel